This was the first comic I actually read of the new 52. When human Swamp Thing has his nice long chat with Superman, the book gets a little dry and the momentum of the story sort of wanes. I was a little surprised at the pace, as Swamp Thing has always seemed like a bit of a campy book. Of course, maybe I'm not giving the plant monster enough respect as a literary figure.
The end of the comic makes up for the middle though, when shit gets real for those dudes. That moment when the first guy breaks his own neck under the influence of the evil fly swarm really sold me on the idea that horror comics can actually have some juice. I wasn't scared, (seriously, I wasn't, like not even a little) but it was certainly graphic and shocking.
Wow Superman is Super Boring Award
Is there or isn't there a Swamp Thing in this Comic? Award
Suicide Squad wins the award for being the most predictable comic of what I read of the new 52. They are being tortured to reveal information by the very people that formed the team to test their loyalty and bad-assnes? Wow, crazy twist.
Predictability aside, the comic is okay. Nothing too special. Harley Quinn is super sexualized which bugs the shit out of me, and it seems as if Joker kicked her out rather than Quinn leaving him. That's a bad choice if you ask me. Quinn would be a stronger character if she left Joker because she is fed up with his abusive ass, instead we have her pining for the man that uses her.
The shark guy is fucking great though.
The Shark Guy is Fucking Great Though Award
Who would have thought a Jonah Hex comic would be so damn wordy. I swear this one took all night to read. I kind of like the idea of pairing Hex with a bookish type. I wouldn't want to keep this character around by any means, but a partner that is actually studied and prudent would compliment Hex's brute disposition.
The continual psychoanalysis is a nice slightly meta element that allows me to enjoy the book a little more than I probably would. Freud and Jonah Hex. Seems about right.
Best Sitcom Idea Award
Honestly, I don't remember much about this particular comic. I remember some transparent ninjas, nonlinear narrative, and the fact that neither the samurai lady or Poison Ivy were in the first issue. As this is another team comic (sigh) I don't expect the team to be fully formed when I pick it up, but I do get confused when characters on the cover aren't in the book. I've heard jokes about Wolverine being on every cover despite never appearing in the comic, but I didn't know Ivy had such power.
Wait, isn't Poison Ivy a fairly consistent villain? I'm not sure how she would fit into this fem-Bat-team. I guess I'll just have to buy more issues to figure out how she fits in. Dammit.
I Wanted to Make a Charlie's Angels Joke but I Thought it Might be Sexist Award
This comic makes no goddamn sense. Legion Lost is at once both incomprehensibly opaque and narratively clumsy. When characters provide exposition, it's like they're trying to shove a round ham through a square hole. None of it gets through, it just ends up as a huge stinky mess.
Then half the team dies. Like the bug guy. I was curious about the bug guy above everything else. Seriously, he reminded me of Baxter from Ninja Turtles. Lay off.
Belaboured Ham Metaphor Award
So this guy doesn't die, just resurrects with powers that are derived from the way he died. How this actually plays out is unclear. In the book he dies in a plane crash and gains the ability to melt. How does that follow precisely?
I'm not sure what Resurrection Man typically does as a hero, but it looks like heaven and hell don't like whatever it is because they have decided the adventure is over and he has die once and for all. Given the character it makes a lot of sense. What doesn't make sense is that each eternal destination's representatives are fetishized women. Hmm.
I like the joke about the angel being "Ga Ga sexy", but at the end when the demons are like slutty evil school girls, I thought there might be a classier way to go about the whole drawing female antagonists. I guess if they aren't Catwoman, people are fine with these particular women being meant for titillation.
Moving on.Really? School girls? Award
Voodoo
Wow, where to fucking start. So, this takes place in a strip club. And we watch Voodoo strip for page after page. There are some cops watching her. The man cop then has a private dance, and then Voodoo kills him. When she's naked. And a lizard.
Things that really pissed me off:
- This panel:
 |
| Male gaze anyone? Christ. |
- Another panel I couldn't find a picture of, where we get a nice shot full of the waitress' cleavage. Yeah, that's all that's in the panel. Not her head or face or anything else. It's hard to think this comic thinks women are anything but how it depicts the waitress in this panel.
- Voodoo transforms into a lizard monster but still retains the ridiculous female figure. WITH BREASTS! WHY DOES THE LIZARD WOMAN HAVE BOOBS!?
Fuck you Voodoo This isn't an award.
This entire comic is two vampires talking. One seems to be evil and plans to take over the world, the other seems to be one of those vampires with a soul or something. During the conversation, the book flips back and forth between a scene of the two dracula-fromping through the night, and a scene of Angel, I mean guy vampire, combing through dead bodies in what appears to be a post apocalyptic city.
The conversation is fairly tired, since I've seen this story told before. This is the problem for I, Vampire (besides a damn ridiculous title if you ask me): we've all taken in a fair dose of vampires in the last decade(ish). There's Buffy and Angel, Twilight, True Blood, then a slew of other vampire stories. We're inundated with Vampire, thanks.
This isn't necessarily I, Vampire's fault though (the name, however, most certainly is), but they don't manage to press too hard on the mold.
That said, the book doesn't reek of cliche, only a familiar scent. The vampire apocalypse seems interesting, especially as it acknowledges the existence of super heroes. I'm slightly intrigued, especially as it seems the story starts when the vampires have already won.
I have one sticking question though, could vampires really take the Justice League? I mean, Supa Man, Green Lanterns, and Wonder Woman seem like they'd be fairly capable of taking some vampires. For one, I'm pretty damn sure that their fangs couldn't pierce Superman's skin, and secondly, I'm a hundred percent certain that all Batman would have to do is type "plan #alucard" into the Bat computer and it would spit out a series of plans on how to deal with a vampire apocalypse, with global and local strategies, for heroes with super powers and normies like himself.
I guess I'll have to see how I, Vampire plans to deal with this. Dammit again.
Too Soon? Award
I kind of like The Flash. I have no real reason why, other than how I know he can run through things and then blow them up. This comic gave me no new reasons to like The Flash though.
What amused me most about this #1 were the campy layouts. The title page reveal is so classic comics I laughed when I hit it. I can't really tell if the creators are trying to make the comic campy or if it was just an ill-conceived page.
Other than a few odd layouts, I really liked the art of the comic. It looks crisp and cartoony. Really fits with how I always thought a super hero comic would be drawn.
Aside from the art, the story telling is a little hamfisted. We see a character die and then we go back and show how the character is a long time friend of The Flash. Seems sort of coincidental that the only guy that dies in the team attack on the science fair is his friend. Of course by the end of the comic we have an inkling for why it isn't a coincidence, but the contrivance remains.
He does go Through Something and Blow it up After, so Yay Award
Home stretch. So one thing I'd like to get off my chest is my dislike for changing the narrator mid comic. I understand this is something that comics do and maybe I should just get over it, but when it happens for only a page, and when that character didn't interact with the narrative at all, it seems like that page could have been, you know, trimmed out.
Constantine shows up in JLU, narrates for no reason and then we move on. I'm pretty sure he was included because if he wasn't sales of #2 would be lower as a consequence.
So remember back when I wondered how a vampire could take down Superman and the like? Well, in JLD we see how a witch would take down the JL: teeth. Swarms of old dirty teeth.
Yes, you are right. That is ew.
JLD also falls under the category of not much happened this comic as we are too busy trying to explain a lot of stuff up front, guess I'll have to buy #2 just to get a sense of how the characters will relate to each other and the narrative.
I will buy it too, because Constantine showed up for a page.
Weirdest Way that Superman has ever been Brought to his Knees Award
Tomorrow I plan to grab a lot of comics. Then I can start this whole process over again. Rather than do two GIANT posts, I'll make sure to get smaller ones out more frequently. Yay, action plans.
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